Happy Family!

So many things in my head!

2010-10-23T19:04:00.000-07:00

I've got a bunch of things rolling around in my head that I could totally blog about, but I think for now I'll just stick with a health update.

Over the last 3-4 weeks, I've been getting NPlate injections again (if you remember the trial drug I was on a while ago, it's the same drug, just FDA approved now and we're able to use it as the Doctor wants to, and not confined within the "rules" of the study.)

I've had 3 injections so far, and my platelet count went from 3 weeks around 22, 23k, up to 34,000, to 88,000 last Thursday!!! The injections seem to be working while on the smallest dose so far, so please be praying that the dose doesn't need to be increased (That's where I ran in to bone pain from the bone marrow working extra hard to produce platelets) and that I continue to repspond to the drug. Originally, before FDA approval, I stopped responding to small doses and the dose had to be increased.)

That's pretty much all there is for now - Livi & Hunter think they run the doctor's office and even the ladies in the finance department who remember me from when I was pregnant with Liv come out once in a while and say "This is HER? She's so BIG!" just because they ALL remember that we were fighting for this perfect little 3 year old, along with fighting for me!

Speaking of the three year old:

8/17/10 "Catch Up"

2010-08-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

Third round of chemotherapy was 8/6/10 and 50% of the way thru my treatment, I still have about 50% of my hair! It's not enough that I feel comfortable leaving the house without a hat, but it's enough I am ok with close friends and not having to have my head covered.

Went as planned - no crazy side-effects. I was running late because we had the appointment upstairs for William, and the scheduler had said "Just come downstairs when you're done" probably assuming his appt wouldn't take that long (Haha!). THANKFULLY they are both in the same office, so I was able to RUN down there when we were finished. I made the poor nurse manager poke my arm for the lab work knowing if she tried to start an IV fast before I saw the doctor, she'd regret it (since she'd likely be the one picking me up off the floor). She was distraught at the thought of sticking me twice, but I have horrible anxiety attacks when IVs are started. I literally get so lightheaded and dizzy that if I'm not already sitting down, I have trouble not blacking out for a good 20-30 minutes following. It is BAD. It's literally easier for me to get a blood test done than have an iv started for whatever reason.

I got my 2 dose package of Emend (anti-nausea meds) and one was pretty smashed up. The 2nd pill was obliterated. They are capsuls, so I poped it out of the foil to be covered in tiny beads of medicine and plastic pill parts. Thankfully, the nausea wasn't too bad, and I had another med to take. These pills retail for $115 EACH. While I only had to pay $40 for the two pills, I was still angry they hadn't made it in tact and by the time they'd ship me any more, it'd really be too late to cover the nausea from the chemo. Thankfully, the pharmacist I talked to was great about it and sent me two more, for next month, free of charge. I guess when drugs cost that much, you get GREAT customer service. :)
My count that day was 7,000 and Dr K was REALLY hesitant to let me go home without any additional treatment. The problem with that was that the month before she started the Plaquenil 1 week following chemo and we have no way of knowing if the extra nausea and yuckiness I felt was from chemo or Plaquenil, additionally, we had no way to know what helped my count go up! I reminded here there was a teeny amount of steroid in the IV (to help with nausea) and that my kids would be gone ALL weekend, and I promised to stay in bed. With that, she let me go and happily, my platelet count was up to 19,000 the following week! I go in again Friday to have my blood drawn again.

Days like today...

2010-08-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

As much as I try, it's just all too much. The huge influx of medical bills, the insanity with feeling like I'm so sick I can't even manage to listen to my children chatter at me like they do - the frustration and tension that comes with everything coming at us so fast and furiously. Some days, like today, it's just too much. I can't keep my chin up, I can't make it better, I can't fix anything, I can barely walk across the room. It's days like today I wonder where the big miracles are. Sometimes, I don't even want a big miracle, I just want God to remember my name - and remember we're here, trying our hardest to do it all right. I'll write about Friday in a little while...I need to cry a little more right now.

Sleep Deprived

2010-07-22T17:32:00.000-07:00

I wonder where I might find some pretty purple scarves and shirts to match the bags under my eyes? I don't know if it's because I'm "sick", but I know one thing for sure: I'm not sleeping at night. I've had trouble getting to sleep at night and I'm not really sure why. Last night I was awake until at least 3 (the last time I looked at the clock) and one night I was literally awake all night long - until 5:30. Joel's alarm went off at 6 and I got up to talk to him for a bit, then back to sleep until the kids woke around 8. That was NOT a great day following, let me tell you. I don't know why sleep eludes me. Maybe it's the Plaquenil, though, nothing in the medicine info says it causes insomnia (upset stomach? Yes. Oh, boy, yes). Maybe it's the combination of everything going on in my body and I just can't get it settled down.

Needless to say, I'm pretty tired right now. It's my "tired" time of day when I really feel the most exhausted and run down - I need to figure out a new dinner routine. Either Dream Dinners or every single meal in the crock-pot or something. I'm just too tired to stand in the kitchen & cook at night - and supposedly, the exhaustion gets worse. Joy. :)

I know this isn't the most chipper, upbeat post. I'm extremely tired today. Though, overall it was a good day. I got two of the kids rooms cleaned & vaccumed, my bathroom is started being cleaned (rugs up, counter cleaned off, so tomorrow I can actually clean it and be done) and all the clean laundry folded and put away. I love that feeling, plus it helps me sleep at night without the "mess" of clean clothes needing to be folded sitting on the floor in my room. It was a productive day, I'm just tired.

7/19/10 Lab Results and Hair Issues

2010-07-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

Platelet count today was a whopping 15,000. I was told by the nurse that Dr. K was out today but if the on-call Dr wanted me to do anything differently than what I was, she'd call my cell. I never heard back, so I'm guessing I just take the Plaquenil until I hear from my own Dr. tomorrow. If I don't hear, I'll call them tomorrow afternoon and see if I am supposed to change anything, or when to come in for another blood test.

In other news - yesterday I did my hair and asked Joel to check for any "holes". I asked if I should just wear a hat or scarf, and he hemmed and hawwed for a few seconds and I finally said "If I need to do it, just let me know!" He suggested I might feel more comfortable wearing a scarf or a hat.

I officially "need" to wear something on my head when I leave the house. I'm not going to say I didn't have a difficult time with it. I cried. I felt awkward walking in to the party for the first time with short hair and a straw cowboy-style sun hat. They're totally in style, and, it's a cute one. I got a ton of compliments on how cute I looked. I still felt awkward. It's probably just because I knew what was underneath.

Have I mentioned that I have the most amazing husband? I do. He never fails to give me a shoulder to cry on, arms to wrap around me and hold me tightly, prayers at any time, day or night, and an ear to listen. No matter how many times I have said "I hate this!" or "I can't do this anymore" he always listens without judgement and reminds me I can, and that we'll do it - together. I have cried at the thought that before the beginning of time, God knew this was the man I was to walk this journey with, and made Joel with an amazing patience and grace for carrying "the weight of the world" on his shoulders without looking like he's weighed down at all. In fact, he says he's happy to do it. And that knowing what he knows now, he'd marry me again, a hundred times over. It's funny how, when you get married, you think you can't love a person more than you at that very moment. But, as time goes by, the longer I am with Joel, the more I simply cannot fathom life without him. He is a good man.

I could write about Joel all day. :) But, back to hair loss, since that's the topic of the hour. The woman I met with at the wig-shop said to shave my hair no shorter than a "3" guard when the time came. There's no reason to bic it all the way off, according to her. I am not choosing to lose my hair. In fact, though I "chose" to cut it off, and soon will "choose" to shave it, it's not really my choice. I am sad. I like having longer hair. I like being able to curl it and straighten it and make it pretty for 'date nights'. I am very sad that I'm losing it, especially knowing it will take so long to really grow back in again after the chemo stops (4 more months) and even then, knowing it might never be the same again. My friend Abby cut her hair short by choice. She had literally, the most amazing long, healthy, thick dark brown hair I have ever seen in my life. Could I just have taken HER hair, I would have in a heart beat. Abby is beautiful inside and out, and she looks absolutely amazing with long or short hair, or, even a shaved head. How do I know? Because she did shave her head! I think it started as a color issue the first time, if I remember right, and she decided to just shave it. It had already been short on the sides and longer in the middle, so she did it in stages, but it ended up shaved. ALL OFF. Abby did hers as a choice. Abs is confident, and amazing and has overcome so much in the last few years. She looks beautiful with or without hair - and her confidence shines. I don't feel so confident. I don't feel too shiny or brave or awesome. So, I've asked Abby to come and help me shave my head when the time comes. I'm sure I could do it by myself. But I feel like I want a little bit of her strength and confidence to transfer to me when the deed is done. And, thankfully, she has agreed.

Today I nearly left the house without my hat - I totally didn't think about it, simply because it hasn't been necessary until now. I can see this whole thing will be taking some getting used to. Also, I can see it's about time to place the order for the wig.

Right now I'm watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua with the kids, so I'll close. Tomorrow is another day.

Party on Down!

2010-07-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to celebrate the Birthdays of our good friends' little boys. Jarek turned 5 and Jakoby is the big 0-1. Both are adorable and super sweet and it's clear that Erik & Sharon are amazing parents. I think Sharon stresses about her job as SAHM sometimes, so I think it's important to tell the world what an amazing job she's doing. It's very evident the time and energy she's poured into those boys, and she's a great mother, and one I often try to copy (especially in the mopping arena!). And I'm not just saying all this because she's my friend. I like friends that are "iron sharpening iron" friends, and I for sure think Shaon is one who makes me want to be better and everything I do. I love her.

There are a few things you can always count on for Jarek's Birthday Party since the M's moved here: Great weather, a big backyard BBQ, and plenty of water games for all the kids to play in (wading pool, slip n' slide, sprinkler, water balloons, squirt guns...). In fact, we don't even put our kids in "actual" clothes - we just put them in swim trunks and matching shirts (Liv of course wore her ADORABLE new eyelet swimsuit cover up and her straw hat with low pony tails...it was ridiculously cute!!) so they can just peel off the top layer and GO!

I love getting to see my friends, the kids getting energy out and being exhausted at bedtime and the kids love pretty much everything about Erik & Sharon's. What's not to love?! Here are a couple shots from the day:

Joel taking his turn during the adult's game.

William skipping!

Soak the sponge in the pool, run down the yard...

Fill the bucket!

Liv cut in line and took a turn (she wasn't even playing!)

Love the progression of these pics- Erik showing her how to squeeze it...

Erik may or may not be helping her get her sponge rung all the way out. :)

Go, Will, GO!!! (as Noah checks out the competition!)

Birthday Boy Jarek. I love this kid!! He said he liked my new haircut. ;)

Birthday boy Jakoby James - my favorite baby of all times. (Except maybe Sanders)

(Signature M. drool on his shirt. LOVE IT!)

Old Video - trying to find a way to save it off Myspace. :(

2010-07-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

Dancing with Buzz

Betsy

MySpace Video

Let's see how much I can remember

2010-07-17T22:58:00.000-07:00

Well, it's an actual think called "Chemo Brain". You forget EVERYTHING. Words you use every day, why you walked into a room, what you were talking about, that your friends are coming over to bring presents. Sigh. Let's see how much of the last few days I can remember, shall we?

Thursday (6 days post chemotherapy treatment 2) I went in for a blood test to see where I was at. I noticed some petechaei on my legs and ankles so I wasn't too encouraged, and rightfully so. I had dropped from 13,000 on Friday the 9th of July to 7,000 on Thursday the 15th. Seven thousand. That's just so low. At my last meeting with Dr. K., I told her (with Joel's support) that I would be unwilling to take any more dexamethasone steroids. The side-effects are simply too far reaching and for much too long for me to take even a "small dose", especially when the last dose I took got me up and then I plummetted in 5 whole days to 5,000 platelets. It's not worth my sanity and my family's sanity.

Dr. K then wrote me a prescription for Plaquenil, which has it's own side-effects, but they're not that much off from chemo, so whatever. The Plaquenil is to be used for a "quick fix" like this weekened while we "wait" for the chemo to start doing it's job. I'm not going to lie - Thursday was a hard day for me. I had to work pretty hard to cover the back of my head so that there were no bare spots. And then, the wind was blowing it all over the place when I was outside. I was incredible disappointed and discouraged on Thursday to hear that the Cytoxan wasn't working (so far - most treatments are 6 months long. But the doctor had said if I got to 50,000 and stayed above 50,000, that she could be convinced to stop treatment). and that I'd need to take another breakthru drug to keep me from bleeding out. Not only was I feeling like crap from the treatment, and losing my hair, but it simply was not working. Very frustrating.

I am starting to get SUPER tired, but that's Thursday in a nutshell. I was sad after the report, but today I remembered that God still cares, and knows what's going on, and the number of hairs on my head. We are blessed beyond measure, and this is just a season of life that seems to have thrown a curveball at us.

On Losing my Locks

2010-07-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

It seems the dog and I are both shedding our winter coat. I wonder how much longer I have to wear my own hair before it's too thin to do anything with?

I'm so appreciative of all the people who have told me how encouraged they are or how proud they are of my attitude. In everything, I SO want God to be glorified - I mean how amazing would it be to walk through this and let people see Christ in me, rather than a debilitating treatment for a disorder wreaking havoc on my body? That's my prayer.

I sure have my days though. Some days are just hard. Long, exhausting days - and exhausted just from being awake. Not from actually DOING anything. Well, I guess those aren't "real" days for me since I have three children. Even just laying on the couch doing "nothing" requires several ups and downs each day.

And not that I want anyone to be without work, but Joel and I realized last week that every time there's be a major issue with my health (like crisis mode, requiring extra help when Joel's working), one of his parents has been out of work. Coincidence? I choose to think not. Yesterday I was feeling much worse than I thought I would. I was able to call Papa Dave to come sit with the kids so I could nap. I needed the sleep so desperately, but with Larry, Curly & Moe here, it would have been impossible. Especially Curly. She's a talker.

I'm so thankful today for the provision that God's given us...that where there are unanswered questions, there are also needs met before we can even present our requests to God. It's an amazing thing. He's an amazing God.

Tuesday, 7/13/10

2010-07-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Papa Dave came over responding to my distressed text message this morning pleading for help. Last month, by this day, I was feeling ok. At the VERY least, I could handle taking care of the WHO and deal with life a little bit. My resident chemo expert, Mona, so graciously reminded me that chemicals are building UP in my body - not going away. By her last treatment getting out of bed was all she could muster most days. Oh, YAY! Something to look forward to!

Dave came over so I could come upstairs and take a rest, nap, break, whatever, but as exhausted as I am, I'm finding it difficult to fall asleep. I tried a quiet, boring show, and if blogging doesn't knock me out, reading will probably be next. Sometimes, it's really impossible to make my mind shut down. I'm a planner, an organizer by nature - I like to know what's coming next so I'm not caught off guard. You can't really be like that when you're (really, really working on) wanting God to be the one in charge and be glorified in everything that happens.

I've been thinking alot the last day-ish about the Scripture "A merry heart does good like a medicine". I've asked God for and feel like there's been a change in my emotional and spiritual health over the last several weeks - and I feel like my heart does feel merry, joyful - and once again, I can say "The joy of the Lord is my strength" because I don't have any of my own strength left: physical, emotional or mental. I am so incredibly tired - and isn't it amazing that after three years of dealing with all of this, this next "stage" is simply just starting. The thought of treatments starting and stopping and on again off again with my ITP makes me exhausted. I can only put one foot in front of the other and walk on the path God has for me- one day, sometimes one moment at a time. It's funny, really, how when I focus my eyes on Christ, and not on the vast, looming future of "what-ifs" that the journey doesn't seem quite as overwhelming. It's when I start to plan and prepare for things that it begins to weigh on me.

This post feels really random - but maybe it's just enough of what I was thinking off my mind in order for my mind to rest now - and my body to follow suit.

Please keep praying for me - according to my sources, it gets worse before it gets better. And I'm so, so tired already.

--Bets

Last Thought for Sunday

2010-07-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

Did anyone ever think they'd HAVE to get a swim cap? Not me. Not in a million years. But, we live a short jaunt away from the neighborhood community center and pool. And, goodness knows my kids are not going to let me not take them swimming this Summer! I don't think I'll be comfortable enough to go totally bald to the pool, but scarves & hats are maybe not the right thing to wear either. So, reluctantly, I've been looking at swim caps. Surprisingly, there are some that aren't hideous. Maybe not my first choice for pool head-gear, but not hideous. What do you think?

2010-07-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

Today started out super rough for me. I began the day by popping my 2 anti-nausea meds (both of which cause headaches) and a pain pill and falling back to sleep for a little while. Peanut butter toast helped the pills stay down.

I finally got to eat some of the fish tacos Michelle brought us for dinner last night, (Um, YUM) as last night, when it was time to eat the fish tacos, my stomach wasn't up for it. I ate leftover mashed potatoes from GG's dinner the night before. I am SO glad I asked Michelle to bring the recipe because those fish tacos were amazing - and a new Fahndrich family favorite. I can't stop blubbering all over myself about how wonderful Michelle is - she drove from Salem to bring us dinner! An hour and a half drive (one way!) just to bring us dinner. And honestly, her day was already packed. Seriously, she's probably tired of me talking about it, but I just feel so blessed that she did that for us. I also want to give a HUGE thank you to Sharon who brought us dinner tonight. TOTALLY hit the spot. It was the perfect, well rounded dinner and I kind of think I'm having more for lunch tomorrow. So good! We are so blessed with friends and family who have stood by us not just through this latest go-'round, but over the last 3 years.

After lunch, Joel took the kids to play at Uncle Jeremy's house for a little while (and Uncle Jeremy sent them home with a NEW Xbox game - so exciting!!) and I was able to sit on the bed and fold the piles (and piles) of clean laundry sitting in my room and get them put away. What a feeling of accomplishment after two and a half days of feeling absolutely miserable and being out of commission. I didn't really start feeling like I could do anything until the 3rd day following chemo last month, so I feel like this is a bit of an improvement this month. Though, we'll see how I feel in the morning! I guess the good news is that if I feel sick in the morning again, the laundry will already be done and put away.

The kids had a difficult time settling down tonight. I don't blame them...I understand how hard this has all been for Joel and I to go through - and we 'get' it all (Well, as much as we can, right?). As little kids, all they know is that their world is in a bit of chaos and Mommy hasn't been herself the last couple days.

Uncle Ben asked me tonight how he could pray specifically...I hadn't thought about putting specific things to pray for on the blog until he asked that. Of course, I would love for God to heal me. But, in the meantime, there are totally specific things that you can all be praying for day by day as I go on this journey. I think that what I want or feel I need changes sometimes hourly - mostly depending on how I'm feeling!

Pray for side-effects to be minimal, and a quick recovery after each treatment.
Pray for a platelet count of 50,000 or greater, that holds.
Pray for grace and peace for Will, Hunter & Liv as they don't understand everything that's going on.
Pray for strength and grace for Joel as he picks up the slack around the house and with the children, in addition to doing his "normal" job.

Thank you for loving us and standing by us during this time!
Betsy & Joel

The Day After

2010-07-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

Today has been a rough day. I have been in bed nearly all day, nauseous while using 2 forms of RX anti-nauseas, (which both cause headaches), and exhausted, and achy. Chemotherapy really does suck the life out of me for a couple days following - and just when I'm starting to feel better, my hair starts coming out in handfuls. :) But, God knows the number of hairs on (or not on) my head, and knows the number of treatments I'll have to do to see if this works, or doesn't work.

Dr K had been convinced after seeing a 29,000 count go to a 33,000 count in just days, that after the 2nd chemotherapy treatment, if I got up to/above 50,000 and stayed for the next 3 weeks, that she could be convinced to stop treatment. She said all that, then we got the results of my blood test back with a knock at the door. 13,000. They'd dropped out by 20,000 in just a matter of days with no cause that we know of. So, now things are up in the air again. I get to go in once a week to see what my count is, and then it will be decided if I go in for round 3.

The kids were in and out of my room - with a promise to watch their show quietly or to keep the Xbox volume down low (and not to wiggle TOO much) but sweet Livi just has zero concept of quiet (and of not wiggling as that's literally all she does all day long!). She went for a long walk with Joel and the dog today, stopping to play at the slides and climb, and chase around other kids, and Joel thought he'd had her thoroughly worn out, but...no siree! She laid in bed ~~singing~~ yelling "Row, row, row your boat" so long that each of the boys went down to complain about how loud she was being. After making her sad eyes and pitiful face, and saying "I snuggle you, Daddy" in her sweetest little princess voice, he took her downstairs to snuggle. That, my friends, was HOURS ago. Now, she's been in my room about 15 minutes after telling Daddy "I miss Mommy today, I need to snuggle her". He brought her up and she demanded the big pillow and told me it was her turn to pick a show. 13 minutes into an episode of "Wow, Wow Wubbzzy" and she'll be heading to bed soon, but not before getting in her snuggle time with mama. Being away from my kids or having my tolerance of noise and wiggles severely lowered has probably been the hardest part of all of this.

I know that my love language is touch, and it's become very clear that at least two of my 3 kids have the same love language. I've spent the entire time up until now "rubbering" her arms, legs, feet, back, tummy and head...and now her little finger is rubbing softly on my arm. Her bedtime routine is to get snuggled up with ber "LullaBible" CD turned on, then she'll roll on her tummy and say "rubber my back and pray" every night. She closes her eyes tightly while I pray and rub her back softly and usually (USUALLY!) she's good to snuggle in for the night.

Hunter's the same way - he adores snuggling and will sit as close to you as humanly possible even holding hands with intertwined fingers if he gets his way. When I don't feel good, he makes an extra effort to come and give me kisses so "You can feel better, Mommy!". My children are precious - and I love them so much.

Welcome Back - to you AND to me!

2010-07-10T00:35:00.000-07:00

It's been over a year since my last post and very simply, the reason I stopped was because my blood disorder stopped causing me problems - yet, I was encompassed in pain and didn't have the energy to update on every little thing I did for the pain. It was mind-numbingly dull and wasn't really helping anyway, so I didn't see the need.

A few weeks ago, though (months, now, I guess) my platelet disorder started becoming a problem again with a count down to 5,000 at one point. I was put on dexamethasone which just freaked me out (side-effects - sweating, shaking, mood swings (that were HARD to control), depressed thoughts, anxiety attacks over nothing...a little of this, a little of that, which added up to a LOT of problems.) To top it off, the steroids usually gave me a 3-4 week window of time before I had to retreat, and this go-around, my count dropped from 78,000 after 4 days taking it, to 7,000 5 days later. Not an ideal response.

My hematologist suggested we try Cytoxan, a form of chemotherapy, to see how it worked. It works in some cases of RA and Lupus, basically other auto-immune disorders, but with ITP it's tricky because essentially we're seeing a drop in ALL my numbers, including platelets. It's a balance to see if it kills off the atibodies that I'm creating MORE than the platelets, so the platelets can continue to live. I LOVE how so much of medicine is an educated guessing game! I will very seriously say that I do have one of the best minds in the field working with me - and even as an educated guessing game, she is one of the BEST at making appropriate guesses. She's as sharp as a tack - and I wish everyone could meet her. YOU would LOVE her as Joel and I do. (She's the one that held hands and prayed with Joel and I at our last appointment. Not prayed with us - prayed FOR me. Amazing).

I am super tired and don't feel like playing "catch-up" at the moment from the last month - I have given most everyone who needs it the information they need to date, so here is what happened today at my 2nd appointment for Chemotherapy.

I went back and the nurse started my IV. *Little tidbit of happy information* I don't do well with IVs. I have a list of requirements for anyone starting one on me from "Don't dig, if you can't find it, just repoke somewhere else" to please use lido if you are good at your job and can use it without losing the vein. Please, PLEASE, try your darndest to get it in the first shot. I don't look, I hold someone's hand and the minute she starts pushing the iv needle in, I start blacking out and the room starts spinning. Laying down, sitting down, no matter what, I start to go. Well, today, the doctor wanted to see me AFTER the iv was started. I was leaning into the wall and needed assistance getting to a chair - it was a mess. We decided I'd see her BEFORE the IV was started in the future so I wouldn't have to get up. And this was before any premeds that made me loopy even! That's just how incredibly bad I am with IV's. (Blood draws aren't as bad, but one arm (with bigger, better veins) has tons of scar tissue built up and I've made the lab peeps use butterfly (baby) needles and go higher or lower on that vein to avoid the scars. If they don't - it hurts, BADLY for an hour following. That's NOT normal.)

My platelet count was only 13,000 today. I was really devastated by that number since it had gone from 29,000 to 33,000 and I was really hoping (and still am, I guess) that this second treatment would be it for the cytoxan. My Doctor even said that if she could get me up over 50,000, she'd be willing to stop. It's not all over and done with yet, but with the drop today, it doesn't look spectacular. So frustrating.

I am starting to feel the yucky chemo side-effects. My hair is already falling out after one treatment, so I went and cut it all off into a "cool" do that is easy enough to play with to cover the thin spots. My amazing sister-in-law did the leg-work and set an appointment for me at a wig-shop in downtown Portland.

Over the phone she'd been quoted $120 to $250 for synthetic hair, so we were thinking it was fairly reasonable. Yeah, RIGHT! The very first one I tried on was fantanstic. It wasn't too full, looking more like the natural thickness of my hair, the cut was adorable on my face shape, and the color was literally colors that Katie has done on me before. I tried on several others and learned how to tie the scarves all pretty, but after asking the price, and trying not to choke, I told her I needed to "talk to my husband about it". As she left to use the restroom, I pulled the tag around and my awesome sister Jenee took a picture of the tag with all the identification details on it so we could look it up online.

Not only did I find it online, I found it for $130 online, and $8 shipping. And no tax if I mail it to Joel's office in Oregon! PLUS, then I found a little blurb about a medical discount and they'll give me a medical discount on TOP of the already great price. I'm going to email and ask if they have any fliers, because with as wonderful as they've been to me at Acewigs.com, I asked Dr. Kolibaba if I could get the info to her for other men and women suffering hair loss. She was elated.

The rep from Ace Wigs emailed me back and this is what she had to say:

"In recent years, almost all of our suppliers have forced us to display prices higher than those we would like to offer our clients. However, while you’re on the phone speaking with Kim, he can temporarily lower the price of any wig on our site, process your order while you wait, and then raise the price back up!" And, "Our prayers for your complete recovery following your treatments. I went through chemo in 2004 and lost every hair on my head, so I’m particularly happy to be able to offer a discount to other women who are undergoing hair loss and are in need of a nice wig at an affordable price."

The bottom line is: They get it. And we (Dr K. and myself) love people who "get it".

I've rambled on for quite long enough - I'll attach some photos - of my hair right now, short and of the wig I'll be ordering soon. The one I tried on is the actual color, but I had the bangs pushed aside as they were SUPER long and in need of a trim. I've also started stocking up on scarves and hats that cover my entire head (that don't look "wintery" - few and far between!) so if you see any cute ones, let me know so I can go pick them up!

Thanks so much - and thank you to EVERYONE for your continued prayers, love and support. Without you, we would probably not be doing as well as we are. Joel and I feel your love and the kids know they're loved by so many more people than most kids get to love them - and that means the world to me.

Betsy

PS: In the final picture, I had been bawling my eyes out - the reality of losing my hair and all that was happening was incredibly overwhelming. I know I don't look happy, but I do love the wig.

So we said good-bye...

2009-05-03T21:47:00.000-07:00

My sister (in-law, but I don't really think of her that way) left this morning for the Dominican Republic. I'm so excited for her and for all that God has planned for her while she's there. She'll be gone until August 19th and is working with Kids Alive International, coordinating the volunteers that come down to work with the organization.

But, I am also so sad for me. When there are very few people in your life you consider close friends, and of those, even fewer still that you feel you can call in a heartbeat if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to you, to encourage you, to help stir your faith, to know your heart and not judge you for mis-steps along your journey, having one leave is devastating.

Jenee is one of those people for me. She's not just a friend, she's my sister. And she's a good sister. And she's a good friend. I can call her when I feel like punching the wall or curling up and crying. I can call her when I'm excited about something stupid or when one of the kids says something hilarious and I need to tell someone. She knows all the ins and outs about my life the last 2 years and all the crap I have dealt with and am currently dealing with. She loves my kids, and she's always willing to help me if I need it. More than that, if I just want someone to come sit on the couch and 'be' with me for no reason other than I'm lonely, I know I can call on her.

Doesn't it suck when a friend like that leaves? I know it's only for 4 months. It feels like an eternity to me.

Thank GOD for Skype.

I love you Jenee. I miss you already.

G.G.s are the Bestest!

2009-05-03T21:41:00.001-07:00

Olivia with her Great Grandma (G.G.).

Grandma's mother is also still alive and kicking at 96 this August!

Proof is in the Pudding.

2009-05-03T21:36:00.001-07:00

19 months old on Wednesday the 6th and has pooped on the potty twice. She'll likely be potty trained before Hunter, her 3 1/2 year old brother. Sigh.

My Love Bugs!

2009-05-01T21:41:00.001-07:00

Liv & Hunter watching the kids in the Pleasant Valley "Spring Sing".

Little Bumblebee for the "Going Buggy" performance!
My little singer!!

Hunter is our resident "Strange child". He asks for the weirdest things..."Mom, take a picture of my arms like this!"

A day in my life.

Strange boy, again.

Will, dressed as DJ Lance Rock

Little Tutu girl, begged to dress up then played out back with the big boys in the dirt!

Diva!

Little kitchen helper!

My Love Bugs...some pictures:

And another month has gone by...

2009-05-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

...since I last updated my blog. I have realized with my sister leaving for the Dominican Republic for 4 months on Sunday, I need to keep up so she knows what's going on in our lives.

I went to see the rheumatologist. His determination after an examination was that the pain is not localized in only my joints (which means it's not RA, which is good!) but is also in my tendons and some muscles. His diagnoisis is neuropathic pain and an extreme Vitamin D defeciency. Neuropathic pain basically is my nerves misfiring and telling my body I'm in pain after doing regular, normal things people do on a daily basis, that shouldn't be causing pain. The Rheumatologist said that he's seen this kind of pain develop after patients use the medication Plaquenil, but usually after long-term use, not usually after a week on the medication (which is how long I took it).

Vitamin D defeciencies can cause extreme bone pain (normal Vitamin D levels are 30-150. Mine was 11.). I was put on 50,000 iu of Vitamin D per week and another medication called Gabapentin for pain. It's a pain medication, but not a narcotic.

So far in the last several weeks, I haven't noticed a huge change, if any at all. I've now been referred to the pain clinic. Sheesh.

Lunchtime for the kiddos, so I think I'll write more to update on their adorableness later!

Oh dear God, the pain.

2009-03-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

I try not to whine...I have been trying now for years to put a positive, Christ-focused spin on everything that's gone on in my life and my family. But, oh, dear Lord Jesus, I can't take the pain anymore.

One of the medications Dr. K put me on has had a side-effect of joint pain. Because I wasn't on either medication very long, I tried to just push through thinking it'd get better. It' didn't. About 2 weeks in, I finally called my Doctor who gave me a prescription for oxycodone (even though there was a shortage at the time). It helped a little, but when you're taking care of three small children, having to choose between being high on pain meds or being in pain and coherant is tough. It's just gotten worse! I think the last two days I've had some sort of bug with a fever so if I don't take Motrin, the pain spreads throughout my whole body and doesn't stay just in my joints. The last 2 mornings, I've had to take both Mortin and oxycodone just to get out of bed. This is not okay!

I was told last Tuesday when I saw the Doctor last that they were going to refer me to a rheumatologist to rule out any auto-immune disorders related to joints. Once you have an auto-immune disorder, any and all of the others can pop up without notice and add to your problems.

I was crying to my sister last night saying that I feel like I'm alienating my friends...that when I do call it's because I'm in dire need of help, not because I want to see if I can help them, or if we can just hang out. It's so frustrating to me! I broke down at the doctor's office Tuesday in tears saying "I just want my life to be normal, so I can take care of my family." She gave me a big hug...I think she's starting to see my desperation.

Okay...I think I'm done venting for now. It's just hard sometimes. It's hard a lot of the time.

Creighton Match Day

2009-03-19T14:29:00.001-07:00

Today, Joel's cousin found out where he matched to do his OB/Gyn residency. Bo & Katie are moving to Phoenix! Will was at school but I had Hunter and Liv watch the live feed from Creighton. Here are a couple pictures.

Health Update

2009-02-21T09:57:00.001-08:00

I know, I KNOW! I am the worst blogger. I think life just keeps me busy and then I had 4 great months where I didn't have to blog anything! And now...

I had been backed off to once-a-month blood tests with the promise in January that I'd be able to not see Dr. K again until July. JULY! Life can finally start getting back to normal!

I went in for my monthly blood test on February 4th to be told that my count was 2,000. The nurse freaked a little, not letting me leave until she talked to the doctor. Thankfully, they did not make me go to the hospital for platelets, but put me on a dose of Dex. I went back Friday and was up to 49,000. Went back Tuesday and was 16,000. I saw Dr. K on Thursday (the 12th) and she decided to put me on hydroxychloroquine in an attempt to get me off steroids. It's an anti-malarial drug that has been used in other auto-immune disorders such as Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus. The drug worked! By the following Tuesday I was up to 92,000 after taking it Friday through Sunday. There was a problem though and that was headaches. Debilitating headaches. And headaches that were CLEARLY related to the medication. I would wake up fine and take the first dose. Get a headache which would last most of the day. I'd take the 2nd dose late afternoon, early evening and by 7:00 or 8:00 be laying on the couch completely out of commission. That's just not okay when you have 3 kids that need dinner and baths and bedtime routines. I called Monday (the 16th) and they told me to stop taking it and come in on Tuesday to see the doctor again. NOW, I am taking azathioprine, and anti-rejection drug for organ transplant patients! I'll be honest, I am starting to feel a little like a crash test dummy for drugs. But, it seems to be working. I started taking that on Tuesday and yesterday my count was 164,000, which is the highest it's been in months. Praise the Lord! So far, the only side-effect I've had with the azathioprine (I should really earn money for learning how to pronounce all these drugs) is an upset stomach, but Zantac seems to take care of that pretty quickly.

I'm going to go for now...we're heading out to look at a new house today (our landlords are trying to sell the house we're currently in) and we need to get little people dressed. I'll update on the kids and the fam later! Promise!!

Lazy Tuesday Morning

2008-11-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here drinking my coffee (which, I have no idea why on earth I waited until 10 to start drinking coffee!) , Hunter's watching Wall-E (which we raced out this morning to get after we dropped Will off at school - He's been saving a duplicate birthday present to exchange for the DVD when it came out and has been patiently waiting for a month now), Olivia is taking her morning nape, and I just am not feeling well. I know I said that I think of all these grand things to blog about and how to word them perfectly, but it seems every time I sit down at the computer, my mind goes blank. Or, the news is just so horrible, I'm not at liberty to share it with the world wide web. Sigh.

My count dropped last week to 12,000, which meant another round of steroids. I haven't had to treat in over 4 months and I know I should be thankful for that. And I am. But I think, in a way, that not taking the steroids has made it harder to deal with the side-effects when I DO have to take them. It's been a long week. I started taking Zoloft for anxiety, when I was taking steroids regularly and it was awesome. It totally helped and even though I hated being on one more drug, it made life tolerable. As life calmed down, and I was taking the steroids less and less, I started feeling just 'medicated' and had my Dr. switch me to Lexapro which is not nearly as strong, and has fewer side-effects. I'm noticing, though, that while Lexapro is great for day to day (I don't think I really even need it on a daily basis) it is not effective at ALL while I'm on the steroid. I struggled with so much chemically induced anxiety this week, that the battle has honestly worn me out. Steroids suck. I noticed this week too, (I guess sometimes you need a break from it all to really see how your body is reacting) that I feel tired and weak when my blood is at war with itself. That part really gets me discouraged. I could deal with a blood disorder on a semi-regular basis (though, I'd clearly rather not) if it didn't have such drastic physical side-effects that affect my ability to keep up with my 'work'.
Another frustrating thing is that all the things I think "I want to start doing this when I feel better..." keep getting pushed back further and further.

So, now, with all this in mind, I'm going to finish my coffee and fold some laundry before we have to leave to get Will from Kindergarten. I'll put up some new pictures when my laptop gets back today or tomorrow!

Random (Hopefully) Useful Information

2008-11-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

I know I suck at blogging. Bottom line. I have great thoughts while I'm away from the house on topics I'd like to blog about, think about how to put the thoughts together eloquently and come home with excitement and great intentions. But, then I get home and my 3 children and piles of housework and laundry suddenly come to the forefront of my schedule, and blogging gets pushed back.

Anyway, I have a minute while the oven pre-heats so I wanted to share my thoughts about my new favorite thing!

I was watching Oprah a few weeks ago and this lady was talking about how she can save up to 70% on her grocery bill. I was schocked and amazed and realized that even though I had no way to save 70% right off the bat, I could for sure start clipping coupons and planning my meals around the sales, and not making a meal list then buying everything full price. I also decided shopping in bulk would be a great idea as things go on sale (her idea, not really mine) but meat is especially hard for me because of freezer burn. Enter "Ziplock Vaccum Freezer System". For $11 I got the pump that sucks the air out and some quart sized bags. Love it. I figure I can write "Chicken" on the bag and reuse it over and over by writing the date in tiny print on one side and crossing it out each time the meat is replaced.

Also, my platelets dropped from 93k to 43k in 2 weeks. Still okay though, and no treatment necessary!

Hunter & Livi turn 3 and 1!

2008-10-13T13:46:00.001-07:00

We had a big double Birthday party for Hunter and Olivia this weekend since their Birthdays are a week apart (They are 6 days short of 2 years apart in age). Since it was Livi's first, we invited lots and lots of people and we had fun! It was a little chaotic (I helped Livi open presents and Jenee helped Hunter, so I have no idea what he got from whom!), but I love family gatherings, so it was well worth it! Here are a few pictures from the party:

Livi getting her hair brushed as she wears Hunter's silly glasses.

A post-party bottle.

Skippyjon Jones!

Mmmmm. Cake!

Will...stealing a present and running.

Thank you to everyone who was able to come and make the kids' Birthdays so much fun!

I suck at blogging.

2008-10-13T13:44:00.001-07:00

Here's the deal. As a teenager, going into college and as a young, single adult, I always tried writing in journals. I would start and do it for a couple days, then quit. After I got married, there were many reasons I wouldn't want to share so much of what was on my mind with other people, that I would only journal when I was frustrated, as a way of venting. I wish I was better...but there are other areas in my life I'm trying to discipline right now, and writing, just isn't one of them. Hopefully, someday.

Happy Birthday Olivia!

2008-10-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

From 5 pounds 7 ounces, down to 4 pounds, 15 ounces to all grown up at one year old! I cannot believe how fast this last year has flown by. In so many ways, I am glad I kept a low profile and we stayed home so much, just the 4 of us (5 when Joel wasn't working!). Her early entrance into the world and stay in the N.I.C.U. was unimaginable at the time it happened, but I think it made us stronger as a family.

Olivia is such a healthy, active little girl and has been a joy to us during this hard, hard year. She quite simply is the perfect third child. So laid back, so easy-going, almost always happy and ready to goof around with her brothers anytime, anywhere. We are so blessed by our little girl, and that's truly what she is now...a little girl.

First Day of School!

2008-09-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

My big boy is off to Kindergarten! He started on a Thursday and by Friday night he was so exhausted, he fell asleep early at bedtime! We are in a great school-district (Battle Ground) and Will's teacher is awesome! I found out she's a Christian and has grown children of her own (no grandkids yet) and has actually written some children's books! (The link is there, but impossible to see unless you scroll over it with this background). She's a kind and matter-of-fact lady and is cute as a button (am I allowed to say that?). I totally love her and so does William. School has been a great experience and he's already learning so much.

End Of Summer BBQ

2008-09-27T08:07:00.001-07:00

Hunter...little heartbreaker!

Daddy & Hunter going for a horseback ride!

Will's Turn.

Hunter 'helping' with dessert!

Every year, we attend the "Uncle Dan & Lacey End-Of-Summer BBQ" at the Malmin's house. This year was no exception, and we headed over for a Mexican fiesta/family shower for Bo and Katie. Joel's cousins Rian (Tuttle) and Shawn (Stevenson) brought their horses and most of the family went riding in a monsoon! Seriously, as soon as they got out there and saddled up, it POURED buckets. But it was so fun and you should see the pics of Jenee, Jasmine & Katie. Soaking wet and they are hot, hot, hot!

I am so blessed by Joel's family. It hasn't been easy living 3 hours away from all of my own family especially since we grew up so close-knit. But Joel's family is awesome, so much fun and I love them all!

2008-09-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe how big Olivia is! Her Birthday is just around the corner and my baby will be ONE! She has 5 teeth and another really close, she crawls everywhere, she can pull herself to her knees (remember she was 7 weeks early, so she's about 2 months behind in some of the developmental things like pulling up and walking), she chases the boys and will eat anything in her path. Baby girl is FEARLESS. The boys hated being thrown in the air, and she adores it when daddy does it to her. She gets on our bed with the boys and knows it's wrestle time and has honestly been the perfect baby for the year we've had. She's so easy...happy, happy all the time except when tired, hungry or poopy.

A quick 'catch up'.

2008-09-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

I tried to upload all my pictures at once and my computer kept crashing! I guess I'll just post several small posts...so bear with me! I'm trying to go in order, too! Hopefully, I'll bet better now that we've somewhat settled into our school routine.

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers and we capped off a pretty horrible year, with an even worse ending. All I know is God is good. Truly, through all we've been through, God's faithfulness has been astounding (isn't it funny how we're surprised when God comes through for us?). His mercies truly were new every morning and without them, I'm not sure our little family would have made it through. I can't even imagine how people walk through this life without a relationship with Christ.

--Betsy

Honestly...

2008-08-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

Could she be any cuter??

Hunter dropped a chunk of dry watercolor paint out of the box...and Olivia found it.

At a Loss

2008-08-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

"Plan for the worst and hope for the best" is a motto that Joel has always lived by. I think it's a good one, too. We were all hoping for the best. And I suppose it could have been worse. But when you are talking about the affect on someone's life, 'it could have been worse' just doesn't cut it.

It's bad enough.

The thoughts in my head are just swimming around in messed up circles. I just keep thinking "Why didn't I tell her I loved her more?", "What must be running through their little heads as they go to sleep tonight?", "I hope she isn't too scared, all alone"...and so many other things that as I think about them, I can't help but weep.

I just wish there was more that I could have done, that I CAN do now. I hope she knows how much I love her...how much we all support her and how we will do anything in our power to make things easier...if there even is something we can do.

Wait...I still have a blog?

2008-08-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

Yeah...I fell off the face of the earth for a while. What can I say? It's Summer, I have 3 kids and craziness all going on and my friends all have craziness going on, so when I have a free minute, I try to think of someone other than myself for a while. I'll just update and then hope that as we work into Fall, I'll be better.

1. I figured out why Olivia wasn't eating well when I laid her down one day and realized she had 4 hard little white lines on her top gums. Poor baby is cutting her 4 top teeth all at once!
2. My platelet count had been doing okay (staying above 30k and even going up to 42k on it's own) but it dropped out to 19k last Thursday. I had to take a round of Dex and had my couple days of side-effects and am now starting to feel better again. My count was 84k yesterday.
3. Will is registered for Kindergarten! That was so exciting and scary at the same time. On the one hand, I look forward to this stage of my kids life, but on the other, I don't want to lose my baby...and I don't want my baby to lose his innocence. Does anyone else out there struggle with the balance of preparing your kids for 'real life' and wanting to protect them from everything that could ever affect them? I can't think about it too long or I make myself crazy.

Doesn't it all seem so simple when you're just in the "let's have a baby" stage? I know we considered the seriousness of being parents, but honestly, you never really know what you're getting into.

4. Joel started a new job! He's repping tile/hard surface for Emser Tile. I think this will be a good change for him, and he's for sure excited about the job.

Okay...that's it for now. I have stuff to do.

No More Bottle?

2008-07-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

Olivia seems to be losing interest in her bottle. I started her later on baby food and she's only eating 2 jars, twice daily (so 2 stage 2 jars or 4 stage 1 jars each day), which doesn't strike me as that much solid food, but the last couple days it is a BATTLE to get her to take more than 4 ounces of formula when I offer it to her. And she's been sleeping through the night now for months so she's maybe getting 4 4oz bottles per day. Not nearly enough according to my pediatrician. I've been told to cut back on the solids to make sure she's getting at least 24 oz of formula per day, but I think munch mouth isn't going to be too happy about that since she begs for food whenever she sees the boys eating. She's 9 1/2 months, so I don't have to cut her off for much longer (we try to lose the bottle by 12 months), but it's still annoying! She's different than her brothers. I had to put fruit at the front of the spoon to get the boys to eat anything savory...they liked the sweet! She doesn't mind the fruit, really doesn't like the sweeter veggies (squash & sweet potatoes) and she LOVES the green veggies, carrots and meat of all things! Such a funny girl.
She's also rolling everywhere now and can army crawl in circles, but hasn't learned to go forward or back yet. She is for SURE at the stage where you have to have a constant eye on her because she will be gone before you can look up from whatever you're doing. Also, I usually find her rolled right over to where the boys are playing, as close as she can possibly be. She loves her brothers! I had Holly & Aaron's boys here overnight last night and she was in heaven right in the middle of the boys. I was so worried someone would step on her in their excitement, but they did good! The only mishap was one of the Cole boys gave Olivia a mini Eggo waffle. I thanked him for sharing, but told him she couldn't have those things. He'll learn soon enough when his mom is yanking chokables away from Sabrina & Sophia!

Two sets of twins eating popcorn & watching a movie before bed.

Chocolate chip pancakes & bacon for breakfast!

A New Post: I don't know what to write.

2008-07-15T21:13:00.001-07:00

I know I haven't posted anything of any substance in a while. I think in a way, the things that we are dealing with right now are too overwhelming and personal to blog about. I don't feel comfortable blogging this bit of this chapter with everyone in cyberspace - even for the sake of the 3 people that read my blog. Or, maybe I'm just too tired to deal with it. Emotionally, physically, spiritually - Tired.

I will say this: I solicit your prayers. Joel and I, and our family, have found ourselves smack-dab in the middle of what is quite possibly one of the worst things we could imagine. It has consumed the last month of what has easily been the worst year of our lives and, frankly, it's sucking the life out of me. Aside from that, there have been hundreds of little, seemingly trivial (well, compared to this) things that by themselves might be manageable. All together, however, they are just weighing me down.

That's it. That's all I have tonight.

Don't You Just Need a Reminder Sometimes?

2008-07-10T17:16:00.000-07:00

You are Lord of Lords
You are King of kings
You are mighty God
Lord of everything
You're Emannuel
You're the Great I am
You're my Prince of peace
Who is the Lamb
You're my living God
You're my saving grace
You will reign forever
You are ancient of days
You are alpha, omega, beginning and end
You're my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer and friend
You're my Prince of Peace
and I will live my life for You.

Something to do before bed...

2008-07-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

5 Things I'm passionate About:

1) Living Purposefully; Making the things I do count.
2) My Love, Joel and my little loves, Will, Hunter and Olivia. Committing to be the wife and mommy they deserve.
3) My relationship with Christ - the more I go through in this life, the more tightly I cling to the cross.
4) No trans-fats!
5) Realizing that I am a steward of three little lives, not the owner - their purpose and destiny is bigger than anything I could plan for them.

5 things I want to do before I die.

1) Watch my kids grow up and grow old with Joel.
2) Do something - whether a business or a charitible cause, that makes a difference in this world.
3) Go to Europe
4) Buy/build my parents & Joel's parents a wonderful little house they can retire in.
5) Realize the call on my life and Joel's, and begin to walk in my destiny each day.

5 things I often say.

1) "Ask nicely"
2) "No."
3) "Holy crap"
4) "Good grief!
5) "Are you kidding me?"

5 books I have read lately.
1) The Red Tent
2) Real Food
3) Superfudge (getting ready to read it to Will)
4) Any number of Disney Cars related books
5) Horton Hears a Who

5 movies I have watched 5 times or more
1) The Princess Bride
2) Jurassic Park
3) You've Got Mail
4) The Patriot
5) Toy Story 2

Blood, no guts.

2008-07-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

My count was 23k on Wednesday, so I took a round of Dex. Recheck yesterday was 56k, and I've really had a hard time with side-effects this go around. Today is the first day I started feeling 'normal' and I would say it's just a start. Not 100% myself. Keep on keepin' on.

Cole Update

2008-07-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

Just an update for anyone wondering... Sophia Cole came home again yesterday and is doing okay, but Sabrina was taken by ambulance today to Doernbecher Children's Hospital this morning after coughing or spitting up blood. Last I heard from Holly, Sabrina was stable and they were doing some tests, but the doctors are thinking that it's pneumonia. Please be praying for Sabrina and Sophia as they are still so little (6lbs each) and fragile with all their 'preemie stuff'. Be praying for Aaron, Holly & the boys too as their family has been in utter chaos for months now.

Summer!

2008-06-30T19:34:00.001-07:00

Livi's New Friend

2008-06-25T22:57:00.000-07:00

Miss Sabrina Cole meeting Olivia for the first time.

Platelets

2008-06-25T22:56:00.001-07:00

Are 33,000 today. No dex! I have to have them rechecked on Friday because they're creeping down slowly again, but at least there hasn't been a significant drop off.

Character Boy (aka, Mini-Joel)

2008-06-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

I never in my life thought I'd have a child to whom I'd have to say "Okay, it's time to stop talking now". That child is Hunter. He not only talks non-stop all day long, he repeats himself over and over and over if he doesn't get an immediate (and I mean immediate) response. While I have to say that boy adds delight to my days and keeps me laughing with the things he comes up with (he just licked my face...for no reason whatsoever as I sat here typing), he also wears me out!

Joel says that he remembers as a little boy company coming over and at some point in the evening and his mom would say "Okay, time to go change your clothes". While she meant change for bed, he thought it was time to change costumes...so he could perform for the company. Hunter is this child. He is SO EXCITED about everything in life and wants you to be excited with him. He makes it hard to be in a bad or sad mood, and I love that about him.

Here are pictures of him first cracking up hilariously with "Nunkle Dam" and then asking (over and over, of course, even though Dan obliged immediately and repeatedly) for "more stories!". Hunter-Roo. I love you.

Platelet Update

2008-06-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have some this week! We had my count done on Wednesday since I've been taking the Dexamethasone (which from now on will be referred to as 'Dex') on Thursday mornings. I discussed the possibility with Dr. K of leaving my count untreated and asked the likelyhood of my platelets working 'harder' than a normal person's since I tend to not have any symptoms (bleeding, bruising, petechiae). She said she was comfortable leaving them untreated at 30,000. Wednesday, they were 47,000 nearly a week after the dex. Yay! No dex this week for me which means I get to sleep. I'm so happy about that.

Olivia's BFFs...

2008-06-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

(Sophia on the left...she loves her binki! Sabrina on the right.)

I just wanted to say a quick thank-you to all my family and friends who have been praying for my friends Aaron & Holly and their sweet twin girls Sabrina & Sophia (who were born just before 27 weeks). The girls are doing GREAT and get to go home soon! The girls have had so few problems considering how early they were and every time something looks to be creeping up, God swoops in and does another amazing miracle. The girls are adorable and I can't wait for them to be big enough to play with Livi! You can read more about their journey at www.hollycole.blogspot.com.

Do you want to jumpy-jump with me?

2008-06-08T11:20:00.000-07:00

She leans a little when she jumps.

Grand Floral Parade

2008-06-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

Saturday was the Grand Floral Parade in Portland. Joel's family used to go every year, but the last couple years, a lack of interest has kept the family from going. This year, a bunch of the family decided it was time to start going again and Shawn & Tom agreed (much to our delight) to go down early and back their pick-up trucks up to the parade route on a side street.

Joel's parents came and picked up the boys at 8:30 and Joel and I took Olivia over to the hospital to have my platelet count done to see if the single dose of Dexamethasone I took Thursday worked for me. It did! My platelets were 67,000, so we busted out of there and got to our parade spot just in time for the parade to start! (If my count had been 15,000 or less, I would have had to stay and have a round of IVIg.) I didn't get a lot of pictures (corralling three kids on a busy street with hundreds of other people around doesn't make for an excellent picture taking situation), but here are the few that I did get! The boys had a blast! They got to play with their cousins, eat donuts and hot chocolate, play with sidewalk chalk and blow bubbles. It was a fun time and after Hunter got up from his nap, he asked me "Can we go back to the parade, please, please, please, please, Pleeeeeeease??" Too cute. Also, Hunter, Jasmine & Kaden all made it on the Channel 2 news (http://www.katu.com/news/19631794.html)!

Joel and I have been talking about things that we can do as a family that will be the start of traditions for us. Last year we took the boys to the circus and decided to make it an annual outing and the parade is for sure something else we want to do. I love my family!

Thursday

2008-06-05T23:25:00.000-07:00

My count was 16k today, so I was ordered to take 40 mg of decadron one day a week. I took it today and I go in to the hospital Saturday to have my count checked again. If it's 15k or less, I get to stay and have a round of IVIG. Good times! Maybe I'll take my computer and catch up on blogging.

Peace

2008-06-03T18:16:00.000-07:00

A little song comes to my mind when I think about peace. I can't remember who sings it (It's a toss up between something Agapeland and Psalty I think) and the words are these -

"Shhh. Peace, be still. Shhh. Peace, be still.

We all need peace, we always will.

Shhh. Peace, be still"

A lot has happened in the last 24 hours for Joel and I both spiritually. It's all still very fresh and raw and a little personal to be sharing here right now - probably someday soon as we discover what exactly it is that God is speaking to us. But I wanted to share this. Today I was praying and looking around on the computer at different websites. Since we attended Living Hope Church, I stopped by their website to see what was new and was hit with their "Only God" slogan. I smiled and started singining the "Only God" song that they wrote for Easter last year at the Rose Garden (When Pastor John has a theme, he runs with it!). As I was singing, God started speaking to me and the realization that

Only HE is my Healer

hit me like a ton of bricks. I am currently on my 8th line of treatment for my blood disorder. 7 different treatments have not worked and the 8th one, I found out today, probably isn't either (my count is 35k today. It'll be re-checked Thursday again).

I immediately and unexplicably had the most perfect peace in my spirit. It doesn't matter that 7 treatments haven't worked. It doesn't matter that this treatment won't work. It doesn't matter if any treatment, any time works. God is in control of the war raging in my blood right now. When He chooses to heal me, it will be in His time and for His glory - which incidentally has been the cry of my heart the last year as we've dealt with so many hard things in our family.

Today my count was down. But I am more encouraged than ever. I am believing that as I journey through this season, God's going to answer the one prayer that I have cried out for since the very beginning: That His Name be glorified in my life.

She can't sit up yet, but she can do this:

2008-06-01T23:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's sideways!

Prunes!

2008-06-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

Quick Update

2008-06-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

I went in a week ago (Memorial Day) and my platelet count was at 189k after 5 days of steroids. On Thursday, it was 187k still!! I honestly was a little shocked. I don't think my count has stayed the same for 4 in over a year. I go in again Tuesday to see where we're at. On a related note, the steroids jacked me up good. While I was on them, I had anxiety attacks, couldn't sleep, trouble regulating my temperature (frying hot one minute, freezing cold the next). As I went off them (I was told not to wean off like you normally would off a steroid) I struggled with more anxiety, sleepless nights, extreme muscle fatigue, dizziness, and joint pain. To lift my children was a struggle. More and more I am asking God for a miracle in my life. As the treatments seem to be more troublesome than the problem we're treating, I am having a hard time allowing my Dr. to "treat" the problem. Please continue to pray for me (2 weeks a month dealing with these side-effects) and for our family as the last year/year and a half have been a trying time for us in almost every area. Thanks!

There must be a leak...

2008-05-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday at my appointment with Dr. K., my platelet count was 617,000. A week later, on Thursday, it was 40,000. While 40k is better than 8k (which it was a couple weeks ago), it's still discouraging that I lost almost 600,000 platelets in only a week! I have started the steroid 'pulse' and am on day three of the nasty pills. They only come in 4mg pills (it's dexamethasone, not prednisone this time) so I get to take a handful of 10 each morning. I am allowed to spread them throughout the day, but since the large dose makes it harder to sleep, I prefer to take them all at once in the morning with breakfast. I'm going Monday (my last day on this round of steroids) to the hospital to have my count checked again. Then, I go Tuesday to have a bone density scan done to check for bone deterioration. I had a bone scan done a couple weeks ago, but I guess they are different scans. Nice of them to tell me that up front! I feel as though I've unwillingly donated my body to science sometimes!

Anyway, that's the news for now. I'll post more Monday or Tuesday after I get my count back.

Update

2008-05-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

Ecc. 3:11: "God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. "

So much to tell! Let me start by saying this: My faith has been stirred. Maybe it was the weeks of not being able to participate in church or church related activities, maybe it was the constant agonizing pain and/or the dopiness of the pain meds, maybe it was a combination of everything the last year + has held for me (and us), but I was losing my faith. I didn't stop believing in God or deny the fact that I believed Jesus is the Son of God, and he saved my soul, but I was losing my belief that God could really work a miracle in my life. That being said, here's the 'practical' plan for my health and the spiritual side of God working in my life and in my body.

Treatment: We have stopped the injections. While I was very disappointed and overwhelmed at the thought of them not working, I was VERY relieved because frankly, I couldn't handle the pain anymore. Between the pain and the pain meds, taking care of my husband, children and home was nearly impossible. I never left the house unless I didn't have a choice and the kids and I spent a LOT of time "snuggling" on the couch watching cartoons together - because I couldn't handle doing much else. I have a new respect for people in chronic pain. The longer it goes on, the more it wears on your mental, emotional and, if you aren't careful, spiritual state.

I went in on Thursday (with my wonderful Husband by my side) and met with my Doctor. My count was 617,000 which leads us to believe that if we could do small doses of something to stop destruction and do small doses of AMG 531 to cause production, we could have a good plan on our hands. However, until the AMG drug is FDA approved, the Doctors' hands are tied in how they're allowed to use it. Since we couldn't immediately go down to a small dose (requirements stipulate that it must be weaned down dose by dose), we decided to stop completely and try something else. If my count is 300,000 or less on Tuesday (i.e., down my more than half), we will start a round of 'pulsing' the steroid dexamethasone, 40mg for 5 days, then off for 3 weeks. We're going to try this for three months.

All of that being said, Tuesday afternoon, I went in for my lab draw and the study nurse had decided to hold off on my injection until my appointment on Thursday. On Thursday after my appointment (after it was finalized that I was off for good) I emailed my house church pastors to let them know we'd be able to start coming again. She emailed back and said that they had prayed for me/us that Tuesday night, which is not a coincidence that all of this happened the same week as the decision for my treatment to stop. Today, we were at church and there was an altar call for prayer for healing. Of course I jumped on it and as we went forward, Joel's cousin Shawn met us at the front (they're house church/lay pastors on the prayer team). He said that he had really had a burden to pray for me/us as he walked into church this morning and was glad that we were standing there together.

I can't say what will happen Tuesday, but I know this: God's timing is perfect.

What God Hath Promised

2008-05-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my count was 567,000 and I didn't get an injection. I'm going in tomorrow to see Dr. K. and to make a decision about my treatment. The pain has gotten to the point where it's intolerable and I'm dependant on pain meds to keep it under control. I hate it. I hate it so much. It's not a benefit to anyone if the treatment is worse than the problem we're trying to control.

I should be happy and elated - my count is up and no injection leading to pain this week...but I feel very overwhelmed. To be honest, I feel let down that this treatment didn't work for me. Now what? I know my Dr. has the next steps of what she wants to try lined up, and I'm confident in her ability. Where my confidence is lagging is holding on to the promise that I dont' serve a God of statistics, I serve a God of miracles. My faith never wavered when Holly was on bedrest with her little girls, but for myself, in the midst of all of this, it's an overwhelming 'reality' that ITP, according to statistics, never goes away. It might go into remission for a short, or even long time, but it never goes away. I know I need to put away the statistics and get out the Word of God. I'm just so tired.

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

Refrain

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

God hath not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.

Refrain

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain rocky and steep,
Never a river turbid and deep.

Words by Annie J. Flint
Music by William M. Runyun

I still believe God is in control...

2008-05-09T21:53:00.001-07:00

Today I went in for a platelet count check since they were down on Tuesday and we also left my AMG dose at 7. I have 8,000 platelets. I was sent immediately (well, with a stop off at home to change into comfy clothes) to Southwest Washington Medical Center to have a platelet transfusion and 80g of IVIg. Here's the awesome part: I didn't get to go for my massage because of my count being too low AND SWMC has changed the brand of IVIg they use. To the one that Legacy uses. The one that has to be run insanely slow and gives me horrible migraines. I've been in tears a lot today. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It was like one piece of bad news after another all day long today. We are so blessed that we have family around to help us though and Joel's grandma watched the kids this morning and his dad took over in the afternoon until Joel got home from work.
I still believe God is in control. I still believe there is a plan for my life and I have a destiny to fulfill. But honestly, a year later, I am starting to feel weary. I am literally physically exhausted and mentally and emotionally trying not to check out.
I'm going to stop being a wah-wah now and go to bed. I have another full day of IVIg tomorrow and my mom and dad are coming to spend some time with me at the hospital. That has honestly been the highlight of my day. I am so very happy that they are able to do that.

Massage Therapy - Mommyville just got a little easier.

2008-05-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

My platelet count was down to 58k this week. Bummer! I went in on Friday for a mid-week (mid injection week) check because it was down to 75k last Tuesday. It was up to 193k on Friday! I breathed a little easier and had a good weekend with my kids and hubby. I am going in again this Friday because we left my dose at 7mcg, and since my count was down, my Dr. wants to check my count before the weekend to make sure it's gone up.

The good news for this week is that we're going to start trying massage therapy to combat the pain I'm in to see if I can depend less on narcotics for pain relief. I get to go in Friday for my first massage and am happy to announce that it's covered my my insurance! I'll be honest, if not for the pain, then for the fact that I am a mother of three children 5 and under, I am really looking forward to an hour long massage. Every week. My kids' pediatrician is also technically my primary care doctor (she's an internist) so she recommended accupuncture if the massage therapy doesn't work for me.

Livi had her 6 month well-baby check-up today (she's actually 7 months...we got in late this time) and is 14lbs 13oz and 25.5'' long. On the non-adjusted growth (so the curve for term babies) she's 15% for weight and 20% for height. She's doing great! She had her shots today and she REALLY let the doctors and nurses know that she was MAD. Normally, the boys would get their shots, I'd pick them up and calm them down and they'd be fine. We could get dressed, get in the car and they'd fall asleep. She screamed (Screamed, mind you, not cried) the whole time getting dressed, while the boys picked out stickers and all the way to the car. She's a fairly laid back baby, but when she's upset, she lets you know. Drama.

Insomnia

2008-05-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

One of the wonderful side-effects of my injections (which, I just found out this week) is insomnia in 16% of patients. Wonderful. Nothing helps chronic pain like not getting enough sleep! Tonight, I'm trying to take it in stride and instead of laying in bed trying to fall asleep while my mind races around thinking of all the things I need to get done, I'm getting some of the things done! I just swapped a load of laundry, swept and mopped the downstairs floors, and unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. Tonight when I do finally fall into bed, I hope to not only be good and tired, but also not have anything to think about because everything that I can be doing while awake is done!

Since I was in so much pain with my injections, my Doctor decided to take my dose of AMG 531 down to 7mcg from 8. Since my platelets were down on Tuesday AND we lowered the dose, I went in on Friday for another platelet check to make sure we didn't need to treat with IVIg over the weekend. Happylujah! My count was 193k!! I was very encouraged by this and almost skipped out of the office on my way to the weekend.
The pain is not much better this week with the lower dose. I am finding this week that I wake up (with no pain meds in my system) to stiff and painful joints. I have a hard time even getting out of bed most mornings. Once I am up, moving and have some Doans or Oxy in me, I start to feel better, but getting out of bed SUCKS.
My floor should be dry now, so I'm off to replace the furniture and finish up what I need to so I can go to bed!

ITP Update 4/29/08

2008-04-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

Platelets were 75k today, down from 196k. My doctor decided to go ahead and reduce my dose of AMG 531 from 8mcg to 7mcg to see if it makes any difference in the amount of pain I'm in every day. I don't anticipate much of a change this week, but hopefully next week if we go down again it will make a difference.

More of the same - ITP Update

2008-04-22T20:17:00.000-07:00

Platelets were 196k today, up from 89k last week! Yay! Dose of meds stayed at 8 (same as last week) and the only thing really any different this week is pain management. I spent a little while discussing this last week with my nurse and the nurse in charge of the study. This week, I had pain all the way through to last night, even. It's been more common to have it start to be significantly better by Friday and the weekends are usually really good, but this week, that was not the case. I hate being dependant on pain meds, but on the other hand, I need them for the constant pain I'm in.

If you believe in prayer...

2008-04-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

Please be praying for my friend Holly. She delivered her twin girls Sabrina & Sophia last night around 8:00pm at 27 weeks, 3 days gestation. Both girls were 2lbs 3oz and are doing okay now, though Baby B had some complications during the night. Holly has also had some complications from the C-Section and while she is doing okay, she is very weak and sick right now. As any Mama out there knows, it's distressing to be sick when you know that people are depending on you, so it's hard for Holly right now on top of all the other stress that's on her.

Specifically, you can pray for continued development and health for Sabrina & Sophia, strength & health for Holly, and peace & strength for Aaron, the boys and the extended family as they go through this trying time. Let's believe for an even MORE awesome testimony of God's love and grace than they've already seen in their lives during this time.

Thanks everyone!

A Weekend Away

2008-04-21T17:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was able to get away with some of my good friends. We planned a trip to Olivia Beach for the weekend and it was WONDERFUL! Sometimes you don't realize how much you need a break until you get it. We were able to hang out and watch movies, nap, hit the Lincoln City outlets and go to dinner. We made breakfast in and just relaxed, which is exactly what this mama needed. I had a GREAT time and I am excited for next year already!

Olivia is Eating!

2008-04-15T23:42:00.001-07:00

Miss O. joined us at the dinner table tonight, so since she's just passed the 6 month mark (April 6th) I decided to mix up some rice cereal for her to eat! I can't believe she's six months old already. She's so close to rolling over from her back to her tummy. I honestly think the only thing holding her back is the fact that she HATES being on her tummy! Livi's little personality has really started to develop the last month or so and I can't wait to see who this little girl becomes. Sunday at church, there was another baby girl about one or so, sitting in the row in front of us. She and Olivia toothlessly grinned at one another and suddenly, Joel and I hear a quiet "growling". Livi was totally growling at the other baby! She had the biggest smile on her face, but she was growling at her! It was so funny.

Speaking of funny things that happened at church, an older man was sitting behind us in church (by himself) when we noticed he had fallen asleep. He started snoring! It was pretty quiet, but every so often, he'd let one out that would get a couple people to turn around and look. I felt really sorry for the guy, but since you never know how people wake up (or react to being awakened) I thought it would be best to just let him sleep since Pastor Bob was preaching at the time. Well...close to the end of service (I was PRAYING nothing would happen before the service ended) he let out this SUPER loud snort and woke himself up! He looked around to see several people totally turned around looking at him and quickly got up and left the service. I felt so bad for him!

Where are my warriors at?

2008-04-15T23:26:00.000-07:00

I had my 12 week follow-up appointment today with Dr. K. as required by Amgen (the company producing my injection drug). First of all, I can hardly believe it's been 12 weeks of injections already! It doesn't seem like it's been that long to me. My platelet count was down to 89k today which was a little disappointing. I was really hoping that 7 was the magical dose that we'd end up at and I'd get to start injecting at home. She upped the dose to 8 today though, so we'll see what happens next week.

I was telling Dr. K. about the excruciating pain I'm in for the 3-4 days following the injection. This last week, in particular, seemed worse (I think I might have had a little bug on top of it, but didn't realize since I was already feeling poorly) and I basically just laid everything out for her. She looked me in the eye and asked me "Do you have good prayer warriors praying for you?" A little bit shocked that she asked me that, I replied "Yes! I do!" She said "GOOD ones?? You need to tell them to pray for this pain AND for your platelets". I quickly reassured her that my prayer warriors are praying for both!

I also reminded her that I have a wonderful husband who takes GREAT care of me. More and more I am learning how much patience and compassion that man has for me and the situation we are in. The nights when I'm in pain and have been with the kids all day, he comes home after a long day at work (he starts work at 7), makes dinner and gets everyone to bed for me. Without even a complaint. Seriously, I don't think I've heard him complain. Luckily, Dr. K has seen him in action and she said "YES! You DO have a wonderful husband". She's complimented him several times which makes me so happy for all he does and sad to think that she probably sees spouses or family members of patients that are NOT so supportive.

ITP Update 4/8/08

2008-04-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

My platelet count was 201k today! It was 109k last week and 123k the week before, so after several weeks of going down, it has gone back up this week with just the AMG 531 drug and no other meds (Which, btw, the drug has officially been renamed 'Romiplostim' in anticipation of it's FDA approval which they're hoping is this summer sometime)! My dose stayed the same as last week, and I have my 12 week follow-up appointment next Tuesday. If I'm still somewhere in the 100-200 range, we will probably discuss starting at home injections. I'm so happy to finally be at that place with this whole thing. At home injections means only having to go to the doctor once every 4 weeks for a blood test instead of every single week like I have been for almost a year now.

Since about 4 weeks ago, the pain I am in for the couple days following the injection has been increasingly bad and the Doans pain pills weren't working for me anymore. I was given something stronger for the pain and it seems to be helping. It's my goal to take the stronger drug only at night so I can sleep well, and then manage with the Doans during the day so I'm coherant and able to take care of my kiddos. Luckily for me, I have a great doctor who whole-heartedly believes in adequate pain management and is willing to work with me to find something that really does work. I have to say that she's sharp as a tack and really knows what she's talking about. It's comforting and reassuring to talk to her about my ITP because she has so many years experience and she educates herself on everything new coming out.

Here's a random thing: I found out two weeks ago that one of my nurses, Dina, lived in Federal Way for a while. She attended Green River Community College for a year (I went there for a quarter before moving down here and going to PBC) and she volunteered at Auburn General Hospital. Isn't it such a small world? It's fun to be able to talk about things at home and she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

My pediatrician's office is in the same building as my hematologist, so since I had all three kids with me yesterday at the ped's office, I ran them downstairs on the way out to meet everyone at Dr. K's office. They've seen pictures, but haven't met the kids all in person. Since they're all starting to feel like family, I thought I'd introduce the kids to the nurses and staff. The boys shook Dina's hand and then pawed through her candy basket. At one point, Hunter had been digging for a while. I knew he was looking for a chocolate candy and that she didn't have chocolate so I told him to "hurry up" and he replied sternly "I'm looking, MOMMY." Excuse me.

Birthday Party

2008-04-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

Jarek & Hunter playing 'Puter.
Aiden & Hunter helping with the new Legos.
Kendall, Emma & Brady
Elliott!
Lego Helicopter. Big Boy toys!
PLEX!
Brobee!
Plex Cake that he specifically asked for.
Not bad for my first b-day cake, right?

I just wanted to share some pics of Will's birthday party. We had Papa Murphy's pizza and a "Plex" cake made by yours truly and ice cream. It was a really fun day and since we only had 7 extra kids, it felt more relaxed than some of the other 'kid' parties we've thrown. William got the Yo Gabba Gabba figures and Sponge Bob Legos that he specifically asked for. I think he had a great time!

William is 5!

2008-04-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

My baby turns 5 on Monday! I can hardly believe how quickly the times flies, but it's true, he's already 5 and ready to start school this fall. William has been such a joy to us! He's an easy child in most ways, but very particular about things, and even though it's frustrating at times, it's something that makes him HIM. I know that his attention to detail is going to be a great thing for him as he gets older.

Since every mom loves re-telling her birth stories, I thought this would be a great time to re-tell Will's. I had worked my last day of work the Friday before I went into labor with the hope that I'd have the last two weeks before my due date to get things ready, finish Will's room and make sure the house was cleaned. Unfortunately, that plan was messed up when Monday morning, April 7th, at 8:00, I rolled out of bed and my water broke! I called Joel, who was just arriving at work, so he turned the car around and came home to get me. While I waited for him, I packed my bag and took a shower. Doesn't everyone shave their legs before they go to the hospital to give birth? Joel called people while he headed home to get me, and we arrived at the hospital just after 9:00. At 9:15, Joel's Grandpa Richard (who lived in Salem) came running (and I literally mean running!) down the hall. We were all excited to meet William, but he was so excited to meet his first great-grandchild that he was there before everyone who lived in Vancouver and Portland. That's some serious speeding! That is one of our most special memories of that day, especially now that Grandpa has gone home to be with the Lord. The grin on his face was priceless.
Joel's family has a tradition of as many family members that can going to the hospital when a baby is born. As the day progressed, so many people showed up that they had a whole waiting area crammed full and I think they actually ordered pizza for dinner. I don't remember all the details of everything that happened during the day, but I know I did get an epidural and that after 12 minutes of pushing, William Robert was born at 7:08 pm. Not bad for a day's work! He was 6lbs 13oz, and 18.5'' tall. He was named William Robert after Joel's grandpa William (Bill) Roberts who was Joel's best friend and confidante growing up. Grandpa Bill passed away shortly before Joel and I started dating and this was our way of honoring that friendship they had.
Shortly after William was born, we let everyone in at one time to say "Hi" so I could rest. You should see the picture (I don't have it here...I'll have to find it). Luckily the rooms were huge!

We love you with all our hearts, William. You have been a joy to us and we can't wait to see all the wonderful things God has in store for your life!
Love, Mommy & Daddy

Miss Mu

2008-04-03T22:59:00.001-07:00

This is my cousin's little girl, Montgomery. She's so cute!

My Baby is Turning 5!

2008-04-03T22:46:00.001-07:00

I can't believe Monday will be the 5th anniversary of my very first baby being born. I'll try to share his birth story tomorrow when I have some free time.

Sunshiney Wednesday!

2008-04-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that I was down to 109k this week, but that's WAY less of a jump than the weeks previous. Hopefully it's starting to stabilize!

Snow Suits in April?

2008-03-28T17:44:00.000-07:00

According to Storm Team 8, the last time we had snow this late in the year was over 50 years ago! I wasn't aware that we needed our snow boots after Spring had sprung, but I guess when you live in the NW, you never know exactly what to expect. Tornados in Clark County, Snow in late March...What's next? A tsunami in Portland?

She Sleeps!

2008-03-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

Baby O has been sleeping through the night now well over a solid month (probably closer to two, actually...she's almost 6 months old!!). But I could not, for the life of me, get her to sleep for naps in her crib. She's been "napping" in her swing a couple times a day since she was teeny and the older she gets, the harder it is for her because the noise disturbs her (Or Hunter shares a toy with her and that wakes her up.). The problem still remained that she would not sleep in her crib during the day, no matter what I tried. I tried, rocking her to sleep, to almost asleep, giving a bottle right before, offering a pacifier, I even tried the "cry it out" method a couple times and Baby Girl is strong-willed.

We have blinds on the windows, but they don't keep out the light during the day, so I finally decided to quit waiting until I have time to go find curtians and just hang a dark blanket over her window for now. Yay for me, she just took a 2 hour nap in her crib! I see my days looking up as my last child gets on a similar schedule to her brothers and I can plan my days a little bit better!

Hmmm...

2008-03-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

Went in today and my platelets are at 123k. While this is still a great number, it's down 121k since last week, and last week was down about 80k from the week before. My dose of AMG531 was upped to .7 micrograms (yes, I finally figured out what the dose was) from 6 the last 3 weeks and with each increase, the achy feeling in my bones gets worse. Today, I'm actually alternating Doan's with Tylenol to try and alleviate some of the pain, and sadly, it's not working very well! I'm about to head to bed, but I wanted to post a quick update!

Happiness!

2008-03-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day as far as platelets go. I have lots! My count was 244k today!! We left the dose of AMG 531 at 6 and if my count stays high and in a range close to what it's been the last two weeks, we get to start talking about injections at home (Or at Marisa's house...she's my personal nurse, I just can't afford to pay her full time yet). This makes me so happy because once I start injecting at home, I only have to go in once a month for lab work and life can start to calm down and return to 'normal' - whatever that looks like with three kids! I just wanted to take a minute and say thank you again to everyone who's been asking about me and praying for me and us during this season. It's been such a long hard road and I know that it would have been so much more difficult without the support of our friends and family and most importantly, the grace of God.

Not Just for Back Pain Anymore

2008-03-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

So last week when talking to my Hematologist (who from here on out shall be referred to as "Dr. K") I mentioned the achy feeling/bone pain I have after getting my injections. She commented that it would make absolute sense that my bones were "achy" because we were 'asking my bone marrow to work harder'. Phew! I'm not crazy! (Well, concerning this, anyhow!). Since people with bleeding problems are not supposed to take ibuprofen she recommended I take some Doans pills to relieve the pain that acetaminaphin didn't take care of. The Magnesium Salicylate relieves pain and inflamation like ibuprofin, and in fact, is listed in the same 'class' of drugs as ibuprofin, but is safe to take if you have bleeding/clotting problems. We actually had some at home, so I was able to take some and they worked so well! It's so great to have an alternative to Tylenol (which as far as I'm concerned is a waste of money...it does nothing for me) that actually works and is safe for me to take.

The More You Know (And shooting star...)

2008-03-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

2008-03-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

Platelets are 312k. More later when I have time to actually tell the story!

ITP Update 3/11/08

2008-03-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Last Friday I noticed that there may be some cause for concern about my platelet count. I called the doctor and after a couple games of phone tag, it was decided that I needed to go into Legacy Salmon Creek Hospital and have a lab drawn. My platelet count came back at 17k, after being 52k just 2 days before. The Hematologist on call decided that I didn't need to be admitted that night, but that I would for sure need to go into the infusion center the following morning to have 60 grams of IVIG. A platelet count drawn that following morning came back at 9k. I spent my Saturday being infused with ivig. So fun! The only thing I can say about getting ivig at Southwest Washington infusion center is that a friend of mine from PBC is a nurse there and she takes good care of me!
I went in on Tuesday for my regular appointment and my count was 312k. Hooray! I had another dose of the AMG 531 and the schedule for that trial isn't interrupted at all by the ivig.
Over the course of the last couple weeks, I've noticed that I've been increasingly tired and lethargic. My hematologist had checked my iron, but didn't say anything about it, so I wasn't thinking that my iron levels might be low, I thought it was just a side-effect of the injections. Some iron was called in for me by another doctor, but I wasn't able to get it until Monday (Joel went and picked it up after work). All day Monday I was exhausted and by Monday night, to move at all was a huge chore to almost impossible. All of that to say that I started taking the iron pills on Monday night and I feel 200% better today. It's amazing. I asked the hematologist about it yesterday and she said their cut off for anemia is 36 and I was 35.1, technically anemic.

This makes Joel and I laugh

2008-03-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

I can't figure out how to make it straight.

ITP Update 3/5/08

2008-03-05T19:00:00.000-08:00

Good evening!
Sorry this is a little bit late! I had to reschedule my appointment from yesterday to today because Joel got stuck with a client at work and couldn't make it home in time for me to go last night.
I went today and my count had dropped from 137k to 52k since last week. It's still a decent number, but they went ahead and upped my dose to 6 this week (from 5 the last 2 weeks). Michelle, the nurse in charge of the study, really feels like we are closing in on a number that will work for me and be able to keep things stable. In the meantime, though, as the dose keeps going up, the side effects seem to be a little worse each week and I'd love to just hold off and keep the dose level for a while. I keep reminding myself that me being on the drug may just help someone else in the future who is unresponsive to the first line courses of treatment for ITP and someday, this drug may save someone's life. It's nice to put it in a bigger-picture scale sometimes so I don't get too focused in on myself and how this is all affecting me.

Until next week!

My boys

2008-02-29T09:27:00.000-08:00

Cute Little Sweetheart Girl

2008-02-28T23:14:00.000-08:00

My kids are cuter than your kids...

2008-02-28T22:45:00.000-08:00

My kids bring so much joy to my heart. I have so much fun with them every day and feel so blessed to be able to stay home with them.

William is totally into Yo Gabba Gabba. All he's wanted for his Birthday, since Christmas, was the Gabbas. In fact, as I sit here writing this, he saw the webpage for the link and piped up in utter and complete joy "Oh, is that the Yo Gabba Gabbas? They're my FAVORITE!" He makes pretend Gabbas out of anything he can get his hands on...Pooh bath toys, Fisher Price Little People or random toys he finds about the house.

Hunter has hit his terrible twos. I think that given the right circumstances, he could take William out. He has so many cute friends that are just his age and I love setting up playdates for he and William.

Miss thang has decided that it would be really nice to sleep through the night! After several weeks of a couple nights on, a couple nights off, she has gone 6 nights in a row, usually sleeping at least 10 hours. I love sleep! It couldn't have come at a better time with the treatment I'm on making me more tired. God knows what we need and when we need it! She's started belly laughing and grabbing at things and can make her feet kick toys that are out in front of her or above her. She L.O.V.E.S. her daddy and her brothers. She likes Mommy too, but those boys she will stare at forever!

I love my kids. As much work as they are and as much as I feel like we need to regain control after the year we've had, they're good kids and they usually respond fairly quickly. And they're so stinking cute!

ITP Update - 2/28/08

2008-02-28T22:29:00.000-08:00

So here's an update to catch you up on the last couple weeks:
1/29 Platelets 15k. First injection was 3 (whatever the heck they were measuring it with -I heard micrograms, but they were mixing stuff and it took them like an hour the first week to figure out the math to mix the stuff with).
2/5: Platelets up to 117k; dose left at 3.
2/12: Platelets down to 40k (this has happened with other patients on the drug); dose upped to 4.
2/19: Platelets down to 34k (I had my kids' cold); dose upped to 5.
2/26: Platelets up to 137k (Over the cold!); dose left at 5.

So, once I got over being sick, my count went back up fairly quickly.

I have to say this also: there is one nurse who does an excellent job with the injection. I feel a small pinch when the needle goes in, and that's usually it. There's another nurse who does okay, but her technique is not so awesome. A new third nurse just started and she gave me the injection on Tuesday. YEOWCH! I will not be asking for her to do it again anytime soon! Also, the last two weeks with the higher dose, I've had extreme fatigue all week long and even some pain in my bones. I thought I was just being a whiney over-reactor, but when I went on Amgen's website, I read that fatigue has been a side effect of the drug and that one person in the trial complained of bone pain. Go figure! It's a little sucky that as soon as I get to start sleeping through the night (This is night number 7 for Olivia!) I'm more tired than ever. However, I'd rather be tired and alive than have all the energy in the world and be dead. Wait. Nevermind.

Olivia Pics - 4 Months Already!

2008-02-13T15:47:00.000-08:00

It's About Time

2008-02-13T13:11:00.000-08:00

We finally got our laptop back. Here are a few pics to catch you up:

Wrestlemania

Candy Face
Pumpkin Patch

Fishing Trip, July 2007

Daddy gave them mustaches!
Little Sunbather.
She likes to chill.
Hunter's 2nd Birthday - Oct. 13.

Thankful

2007-11-30T14:51:00.000-08:00

In light of everything that has gone on this Summer and Fall with our family, I have made a list of things I am thankful for. It can be easy to fall into the "woe is me" feelings, and I always want to remember the things I have to be thankful for.

Here it is:

A beautiful, healthy daughter.

The baby being bottle fed so Joel can get up with her in the middle of the night during weekends.

2 beautiful healthy sons.

A husband who has a new resolve to seek the will of God for his and our life.
An immediate and extended family who has been a support to me physically, emotionally and spiritually.
The realization that God is the perfect Father and yet His kids mess up all the time. I can take it easy on myself that my kids aren't perfect (Thanks Lindy!).
A roof over our heads, Joel's great job, cars to drive and food to eat.
Being able to say I experienced "natural" childbirth.
3 weeks of sleeping through the night after Olivia was born while the nurses took care of her.
John, JohnPaul, Jesse and Josh.
A bi-polar roomate that helped scare reality back into our family.
Living Hope Church and Pastor John Bishop.
That the boys 'colored' on my cedar chest with my deodorant and NOT crayons or markers or something else I can't get off!

Three kids...it's an adjustment!

2007-11-26T12:54:00.000-08:00

Olivia has been home now for 4 weeks and is doing really well! She is 7 weeks old now and weighs about 7lbs. She's eating like a champ and growing like a weed. We are so happy to all be at home together getting to know each other and learning to be a family of 5. My doctors are still having trouble stabilizing my platelet count so I am finishing up the 4th (of 4) i.v. treatment of Rituxin tomorrow. Hopefully, this medicine will do the trick and we can REALLY get to being a "normal" family again.

Hunter is now 2 and has really gotten BOSSY! We are constantly reminding him to talk nicely to Mommy and Daddy and Will, and to use his kind words. He's stinking cute though, so we have to make sure to turn around before we laugh at him so he doesn't think his behavior is appropriate!

Will and I are going to start doing "school work" since we weren't able to get him started in Preschool this fall due to all the baby/health stuff that was going on. We're going to try to get him in to the pre-k. class at our church this January.

Both boys really love their sister "Baby Olivia" as Will calls her and "Eeyah" as Hunter calls her. This girl does not lack for attention!

She's Coming Home!

2007-10-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

A message left by the Doctor on our voice mail this afternoon said that we would most likely be able to bring our baby girl home tomorrow. I cannot even begin to say how excited I am to have her home with us. The last three weeks have been so trying and while I have totally realized God's amazing grace in a brand new way, I am ready to have my family together so we can all get to know each other.

I assembled Livi's dresser today and Joel painted the bed we bought for William so that we can work on moving the boys in together and changing the nursery over from trucks, cars and primary colors to all things pink and "vintage". I am totally nervous about the boys sharing a room. I'm pretty sure they'll think it's 24 hour play time and not sleep time. The good news is that we have a fourth bedroom that's just being used as a playroom right now, so we can separate them if we need to.

I have so much left to do before we bring Olivia home so I better run for now!

Olivia is here!

2007-10-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

Olivia Jenee Fahndrich was born on October 6th at 7:52pm. She weighed 5lbs, 7oz and was 17 1/2'' long. She was born 7 weeks early and as a result is up in the N.I.C.U. until she learns how to eat from a bottle and/or nurse all of her feedings. Sucking, swallowing and breathing all at once for a 33 weeker is hard work! Right now she is "nippling" every other feeding and the alternating feedings are being gavaged. We have heard differing reports but the most common is that early babies tend to "get it" somewhere between 35 and 37 weeks gestational age. Olivia is 35 weeks gestational age today, and two weeks old tomorrow. She actually has done a great job at her last couple feedings and I am hoping she just gets stronger and better with each one. As she does better, she'll move to nippling two and gavaging one until she is strong enough to nurse or bottle feed at each feed. She'll need two to four days of nursing and/or bottle feeding the amount they want her to eat at each feeding before she can come home.

I know a couple people have been asking for my birth story, so here's the story!

We had Joel's sister Jenee and her boyfriend Drew over for dinner with Drew's brother and sister in law (Matt & Amber). We wanted to meet them and since I was on bed rest (And what do you know...had free food being brought in) we figured we'd have them all over for dinner and a quiet night in. After dinner, we were settling in with dessert to watch "The Office" and as I sat down next to Jenee, I felt a tiny "pop" and realized that my water had broken. Not wanting to cause a scene in front of the company that we were just meeting for the first time, I went to the bathroom where the "gush" happened. My water had for sure broken. We threw some things in a bag (don't forget...we weren't expecting her for at least another 4 weeks!) and told Jenee she was in charge of the boys and headed to the hospital.

At the hospital, they told me that since I was so early they weren't going to do anything to supplement labor, even though my water had broken and that "There had been women who stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks with ruptured membranes before". Fantastic. My platelet count was still seriously low as I had only had the first half of my IVIG dose that day, so they decided to run the 2nd half over night rather than the next day as originally planned. At some point on Saturday, my OB decided it would be best to augment my labor and get the baby delivered because of my low platelets. She wanted to do a platelet transfusion simultaneously so that I would have enough platelets to get through delivery. That transfusion got me up from 17k to 55k, but you still have to be 100k and have been stable around that number for 24 hours before they'll give you an epidural. The anesthesiologist (who looked younger than me and has NO children of her own) came in to tell me I couldn't have an epidural (which I already figured) but she kept making comments about me being a "little uncomfortable" rather than being paralized for life. A little uncomfortable? After about 10 minutes and her having said that about 5 times in those 10 minutes, I gave Joel a 'look' and he, way more kindly than I would have, asked her to leave. I guess the doctors and nurses gave her crap when she used the same phrase with them. A little uncomfortable. So...I dialated to 5 and was pretty much ready to die (it was about 7 at this point). At that point with the pitocin (which they started at 4pm), I was about 3 hours in and really in pain. My nurse decided to give me one more dose of Fentanyl (I was only dialated to 5 after all) and let me get in the tub hoping that would relax me. About three contractions into the tub, I had that uncontrollable urge to push and pulled the call cord hanging next to the tub. About 10 people came running! 2 nurses for me, several Neonatal doctors and nurses and eventually, the two OBs on call. That was super awesome since I had been in the tub and was totally naked, and trying not to deliver my baby in the bathroom (We would have had to name her Rian!). I was hoisted out of the tub by my wonderful husband, and put on the bed (a blanket thrown over the top of me) just in time to barely push twice and deliver Olivia's head. The doctor got there and put her gloves on in time to deliver the rest of the baby --barely.

Olivia had a little bit of trouble breathing at first because of the fentanyl (which they typically won't give you within an hour of delivery for that reason) but she was fine after that wore off. She's breathed like a champ ever since!

Conversation Overheard

2007-09-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

Today, driving to church, we stopped at Starbucks. Because we often run out of time on Sunday mornings, the boys are treated to bagels and chocolate milk (or vanilla milk if they're wearing light colored clothes...but I digress). As we pulled into the drive-through, we overheard this conversation in the back seat of the car: Hunter - "Brubruh? You want egg-bowl (bagel)?" Will - "Yes, I want a bagel". It just struck us funny that 1) Hunter can ask a question in a full sentence (almost) at less than two and that 2) William understands what Hunter is saying! Hunter followed that up with "Brubruh? You want chocolate mulk?" and before Will could answer, clear as day we heard "Daddy? Please have chocolate mulk??" So...that was our cuteness for the morning so far.

Baby Bump & Blood Update

2007-09-08T16:24:00.000-07:00

Well, still no laptop, which means no pictures, but in case anyone is reading and hasn't been updated on what's going on, I thought I'd share!

My hematologist has had an insanely difficult time controlling my I.T.P. this pregnancy. We were using the steroid "prednisone" to get my platelets to jump up then they plummet rapidly when I start to taper off the medicine. After a while the treatment was not working as effectively and my platelet count hovered in the 25,000 area for three weeks. I had IVIG done three weeks ago as an alternative to the prednisone which caused my platelets to respond beautifully (They jumped to 477,000) but had massive side-effects. The treatment took 14 hours for two days (total of 28 hours) rather than 3 hours for two days because they had to run it so slowly to control migraine headaches. I ended up spending one night in the hospital and leaving the next night at 2am. Three weeks later, however, my count was down to 5,000 which is basically low enough that I could spontaneously start bleeding for no reason and poses a huge risk to myself and the baby.

I am back on Prednisone and in 12 hours I jumped from 5K to 12K so we're rechecking the count on Monday. If I can stay in the 30-40K range until closer to delivery, we'll all be happy campers. EXCEPT - Prednisone completely messes with your blood sugars. I go in on Wednesday for my glucose screen which will likely come back positive for gestational diabetes. I will probably have to be on a diabetic diet and quite possibly insulin for the remainder of my pregnancy or as long as I'm on prednisone. As of right now, the course of treatment will be to adjust prednisone to keep my count up and closer to my due date, do one more round of IVIG and schedule an induction within the following week so that my count and the baby's count are high for delivery and to ensure I can have an epidural if I want one! (Platelets have to be over 100K for an epidural)

I will keep you all posted!

Update

2007-08-28T20:31:00.001-07:00

Our laptop suddenly died a couple weeks ago and that is where we keep and upload all of our pictures. In the meantime, Joel and I are sitting on our boys' miniature chairs and checking our email etc., on the huge old desktop that the boys use! It's fun times...for real. We should have the laptop up and running soon and I'll get some new pictures up then!

Beautiful Boys

2007-07-30T16:21:00.001-07:00

Our friend Natasha met us down at Esther Short Park to take pictures of the boys. They turned out SO GOOD! This is just a few of the pictures.

Fun at Klineline Ponds

2007-07-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

Hunter checking out the tunnel.
Baywatch, Baby!
Splash!

The boys and I headed to Salmon Creek Park today before it got too hot and played in the water with some friends! I didn't realize the park was only 2 1/2 miles from my house, and though you have to pay $2 to park, they have a great fountain for playing in and the "lake" to swim in. The boys had a blast!

A Few More Pictures...

2007-07-09T14:49:00.001-07:00

Not my kid, but isn't she cute?
"These crazy kids!"

Hunter doesn't quite get Ring around the Rosies.

"Should I have another cupcake?"

My Sweet William.

The Day After...

2007-07-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been looking at this blog thinking I should totally start it at some point and decided today should be that day even if it's just a short post.

Yesterday we headed over to Aunt Lynette & Uncle Dan's house to have a BBQ and watch the fireworks from their driveway. For those of you who have never been, they have a super nice driveway that's shaded all afternoon. And from the driveway, we have a perfect view of the fireworks show done at Happy Valley Park! It's great! We set up our lawn chairs and watch the show, then try to beat the traffic home right after. This was the first year Hunter got to stay up for the show and he was NOT interested. He really wanted to get down and do ANYTHING else. William sat and watched for a while (until then he finished his candy), then crawled up under a blanket with "Uncle" Charlie and snuggled until it was time to go. He had his eye on that blanket from the moment Candice brought it out of the car (it was so not cold out)! The day was pretty uneventful, but restful and fun to be with family. It's one of those days that is laid back and we look forward to every year. We also really look forward to having a bathroom close by and not having to use port-a-potties! Unfortunately, I left my camera in the car, and this is the only picture I have from the day. Poor Hunter at like 10:00 pm, exhausted and sweaty, ready to go nite-nite.

Coming Soon

2007-04-21T18:04:00.000-07:00

***Happy Family!***

So many things in my head!

8/17/10 "Catch Up"

Days like today...

Sleep Deprived

7/19/10 Lab Results and Hair Issues

Party on Down!

Old Video - trying to find a way to save it off Myspace. :(

Let's see how much I can remember

On Losing my Locks

Tuesday, 7/13/10

Last Thought for Sunday

The Day After

Welcome Back - to you AND to me!

So we said good-bye...

G.G.s are the Bestest!

Proof is in the Pudding.

My Love Bugs!

And another month has gone by...

Oh dear God, the pain.

Creighton Match Day

Health Update

Lazy Tuesday Morning

Random (Hopefully) Useful Information

Hunter & Livi turn 3 and 1!

I suck at blogging.

Happy Birthday Olivia!

First Day of School!

End Of Summer BBQ

A quick 'catch up'.

Honestly...

At a Loss

Wait...I still have a blog?

No More Bottle?

A New Post: I don't know what to write.

Don't You Just Need a Reminder Sometimes?

Something to do before bed...

Blood, no guts.

Cole Update

Summer!

Livi's New Friend

Platelets

Character Boy (aka, Mini-Joel)

Platelet Update

Olivia's BFFs...

Do you want to jumpy-jump with me?

Grand Floral Parade

Thursday

Peace

She can't sit up yet, but she can do this:

Prunes!

Quick Update

There must be a leak...

Update

What God Hath Promised

I still believe God is in control...

Massage Therapy - Mommyville just got a little easier.

Insomnia

ITP Update 4/29/08

More of the same - ITP Update

If you believe in prayer...

A Weekend Away

Olivia is Eating!

Where are my warriors at?

ITP Update 4/8/08

Birthday Party

William is 5!

Miss Mu

My Baby is Turning 5!

Sunshiney Wednesday!

Snow Suits in April?

She Sleeps!

Hmmm...

Happiness!

Not Just for Back Pain Anymore

ITP Update 3/11/08

This makes Joel and I laugh

ITP Update 3/5/08

My boys

Cute Little Sweetheart Girl

Happy Family!